Out In The World

I’ve had this WordPress site for probably four years now. I haven’t posted one thing yet and I’m trying to get beyond my shame and fear. I wanted this to be a site where I could display my “ready-for-publication” writing on things I’ve been trained to write about, namely, my reactions to media and the contemporary media landscape. But I’ve become too afraid of my own voice to do this, and too spent and tired and sick over the past few years just trying to juggle jobs and anxiety and migraines to fight my own perfectionism. So, this blog site has sat here collecting internet dust as I wait for some sort of “inspiration” and “time” to allow me to “properly” write something “worth publishing.”

Right now, with this post, the goal has become not to have something that’s worth reading, necessarily, but rather, for me to just write and put things out in the world and be ok with just that. To learn to be ok with words attached to my name being out the world where I cannot control them and to just sit with that and see how it goes. So here’s my first post: my most revealing, most personal account of my intense paralysis. And my hopes that getting it out there in the world will make it easier to write my actual thoughts, not just my fears.